(Image – myself today – 24 inch Waist, reguarly I’m comfortably 25-26)
Okay so here we go, this is not a rant and this isn’t me seeking attention in the slightest. What I’m doing now takes some lady balls but I think it could benefit a lot of people, particularly young people who have issues with this sort of thing.
Today a woman in the street basically pointed at me and said I was too skinny and that I don’t eat, I was furious and I vented on Twitter then this guy replied basically saying that I looked the opposite from skinny in my display photo. So being called both too skinny and fat in one day – wow, go figure!
At age 12 I started starving myself, it was really strategic – I knew all the ins and outs. I basically told a drama teacher that I wanted to be an actress and she turned round and said I wasn’t skinny like the Hollywood actresses (end of acting career, boohoo). I was so young and I wanted ways for me to look slimmer, food made me feel sick and so I did everything I could not to eat – but for my parents not to notice. They didn’t for a while, I was always naturally skinny and because I was really tall – I always looked slim. This got worse and worse until maybe like age 15, where a boyfriend of that time basically told me to stop doing it and I trusted him and I thought by doing something for him – it’d make it easier. It did, I stopped – I seen sense. From that moment on – I became Mrs Eats-A-Lot. I was still underweight but my Dr said it was because I was so tall and I just had a skinny frame so it was okay.
But what I went through in those years was hell. I don’t like talking about having an eating disorder because I was bullied for it. I was referred for psychological help, told a friend, she told everyone and people said I was ‘lying’ and that you don’t get help for not eating. I didn’t eat lunch – people thought I was weird, I even had a crazy orange diet. Friends of my boyfriend would say that I wasn’t actually in hospital and that I was just lying to avoid him. I got frail, I got sick, I ruined my body, my hair fell out, I was told about fertility problems I caused. I literally ruined myself.
When I hear a fat comment – yeah it does take me back because I guess I will always be insecure but you know what – I honestly care for my health more than how I look. I remember a year ago my mum grabbed my thigh and told me how fat they were – and even got her own out to compare, and I just cried for hours. In our family, the women are bottom heavy and I have accepted that it’s in my genes!
I get ‘why are you so skinny?’ and ‘Do you eat?’ a lot. I’m not that skinny, honestly I’ve gained so much so quickly that I literally have stretch marks because I tried so hard. I’m on pills that help me gain weight and I eat like crazy. I look at my body and I feel sick, I see the bones and I feel horrible – I want to be fit not looking like a squashed toothpaste. People are much skinnier than me, so I guess I’m in a much better position than they are and I am thankful but I’m not happy – yet. Also, I probably only get the skinny comments because I am tall and slim – I’m long so it draws attention to it a little more.
I am 5’9, and healthy weight for me is 9 stone. I’m 8 stone today but I’ve been sick recently, usually I’m 8.5 stone. But just a few months ago I was fluctuating between 9 and 9.5 which was amazing! I get ill and I lose weight and I feel like I lose all my progress. Clothing wise I’m 6-8, but I wear 10-12 – sometimes I even wear larger. I like swamping my frame so I look healthier and less ill and skinny. If you paid attention to my OOTD blog posts – you would’ve noticed that.
So to the person that said I looked fat in my DP – you are so wrong, I am not overweight in the slightest, I may have looked larger in my DP but it has always been my aim! I always uploaded photos just so I can look healthier by cropping and changing lighting so I look less frail and bony.
But to both of the people, and to anyone else out there who feel the need to make comments about weight, I’m not angry about what you think – hell, I might even agree but you do not have the right to pass judgement on someone else’s body. You don’t know the full story and you should not therefore make horrible assumptions. The woman who said I was too skinny – she didn’t know that I have been fighting to gain weight! The guy who said I looked fat – he didn’t know I was badly underweight and that I was aiming to look fuller! But both comments, if said to someone else – could have really hurt their feelings and made them act in stupid ways! How would they feel if someone made these comments towards their child and their child died of an eating disorder or committed suicide? It’s so stupid.
I am not happy with my body but I am happier because I know what its like to be far too skinny and I know what it’s like to be fat – but I am making progress, and quite frankly that has nothing to do with anyone else but me.
BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, ACT IN LOVE, KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS AND DONT BE AN ASSHOLE
OH AND THE PHOTOS TOOK GUTS TO POST I KNOW ITS DISGUSTING BUT KEEP YOUR NASTY COMMENTS TO YOURSELF