BODY SHAMING: Do you really know their situation?

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(Image – myself today – 24 inch Waist, reguarly I’m comfortably 25-26)

Okay so here we go, this is not a rant and this isn’t me seeking attention in the slightest. What I’m doing now takes some lady balls but I think it could benefit a lot of people, particularly young people who have issues with this sort of thing.
Today a woman in the street basically pointed at me and said I was too skinny and that I don’t eat, I was furious and I vented on Twitter then this guy replied basically saying that I looked the opposite from skinny in my display photo. So being called both too skinny and fat in one day – wow, go figure!

At age 12 I started starving myself, it was really strategic – I knew all the ins and outs. I basically told a drama teacher that I wanted to be an actress and she turned round and said I wasn’t skinny like the Hollywood actresses (end of acting career, boohoo). I was so young and I wanted ways for me to look slimmer, food made me feel sick and so I did everything I could not to eat – but for my parents not to notice. They didn’t for a while, I was always naturally skinny and because I was really tall – I always looked slim. This got worse and worse until maybe like age 15, where a boyfriend of that time basically told me to stop doing it and I trusted him and I thought by doing something for him – it’d make it easier. It did, I stopped – I seen sense. From that moment on – I became Mrs Eats-A-Lot. I was still underweight but my Dr said it was because I was so tall and I just had a skinny frame so it was okay.

But what I went through in those years was hell. I don’t like talking about having an eating disorder because I was bullied for it. I was referred for psychological help, told a friend, she told everyone and people said I was ‘lying’ and that you don’t get help for not eating. I didn’t eat lunch – people thought I was weird, I even had a crazy orange diet. Friends of my boyfriend would say that I wasn’t actually in hospital and that I was just lying to avoid him. I got frail, I got sick, I ruined my body, my hair fell out, I was told about fertility problems I caused. I literally ruined myself.

When I hear a fat comment – yeah it does take me back because I guess I will always be insecure but you know what – I honestly care for my health more than how I look. I remember a year ago my mum grabbed my thigh and told me how fat they were – and even got her own out to compare, and I just cried for hours. In our family, the women are bottom heavy and I have accepted that it’s in my genes!

I get ‘why are you so skinny?’ and ‘Do you eat?’ a lot. I’m not that skinny, honestly I’ve gained so much so quickly that I literally have stretch marks because I tried so hard. I’m on pills that help me gain weight and I eat like crazy. I look at my body and I feel sick, I see the bones and I feel horrible – I want to be fit not looking like a squashed toothpaste. People are much skinnier than me, so I guess I’m in a much better position than they are and I am thankful but I’m not happy – yet. Also, I probably only get the skinny comments because I am tall and slim – I’m long so it draws attention to it a little more.

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(Taken a month ago BLEH)

I am 5’9, and healthy weight for me is 9 stone. I’m 8 stone today but I’ve been sick recently, usually I’m 8.5 stone. But just a few months ago I was fluctuating between 9 and 9.5 which was amazing! I get ill and I lose weight and I feel like I lose all my progress. Clothing wise I’m 6-8, but I wear 10-12 – sometimes I even wear larger. I like swamping my frame so I look healthier and less ill and skinny. If you paid attention to my OOTD blog posts – you would’ve noticed that.

So to the person that said I looked fat in my DP – you are so wrong, I am not overweight in the slightest, I may have looked larger in my DP but it has always been my aim! I always uploaded photos just so I can look healthier by cropping and changing lighting so I look less frail and bony.

But to both of the people, and to anyone else out there who feel the need to make comments about weight, I’m not angry about what you think – hell, I might even agree but you do not have the right to pass judgement on someone else’s body. You don’t know the full story and you should not therefore make horrible assumptions. The woman who said I was too skinny – she didn’t know that I have been fighting to gain weight! The guy who said I looked fat – he didn’t know I was badly underweight and that I was aiming to look fuller! But both comments, if said to someone else – could have really hurt their feelings and made them act in stupid ways! How would they feel if someone made these comments towards their child and their child died of an eating disorder or committed suicide? It’s so stupid.

I am not happy with my body but I am happier because I know what its like to be far too skinny and I know what it’s like to be fat – but I am making progress, and quite frankly that has nothing to do with anyone else but me.

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, ACT IN LOVE, KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS AND DONT BE AN ASSHOLE
OH AND THE PHOTOS TOOK GUTS TO POST I KNOW ITS DISGUSTING BUT KEEP YOUR NASTY COMMENTS TO YOURSELF

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My anniversary.. And how to stay in love.

My relationship had always been personal and private, it’s so exclusive. We only share memories with the people we truly love – it’s never been about bragging and putting it in people’s faces because to us, being happy together is the most significant thing. I love sharing to people if I feel I can really help those around me, but my relationship just wasn’t ever one of those things. I’m not that girl who uses the relationship for attention – it’s just so special that I don’t need anyone to know the details.
I won’t be writing a big piece for the benefit of my Facebook and twitter saying ‘OMG I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND HES BETTER THAN YOURS WERE STILL SO IN LOVE HERES SOME PHOTOS OF US BEING CUTE’ dropping that bullshit just so I get people I don’t even care about to like it. I’m not that girl.
However, a lot of people didn’t even know about my relationship. So I’m ‘coming out’ with it a little more and sharing only what I feel I need to share. I am sharing what is worth while sharing so I can help you and teach you a few things that I’ve learned.

DISCLAIMER: this is MY relationship, MY experiences, MY opinions. They are not right or wrong, and I am not a critic of anybody.

We’ve been together a year today, and I know it’s not long. But it’s different to the relationships I have had (4.5 years worth!) before. Length of time is nothing, because how happy you are – that’s exactly what’s right.
It’s special because we were both adults when we got together, so we made a decision to be together maturely. Before, I dated a person in high school, and several years passed because I thought how long my relationship was – meant I had the strongest relationship out of everyone.
That doesn’t work.
My parents were together 16 years before they divorced and everyone could see the cracks, everyone knew they weren’t compatible.
So lesson one: don’t be scared to let go of what isn’t right for you.

Being in a relationship is comfortable and people go into baby mode. The ‘I love you so much I want to have your babies and marry you’. They are blindsided by this, they think – if they stay together for ages, they’re closer to that dream and THEN they will be happy.
One of my problems were that I’d hang on to a dead relationship with the only thing I loved in it – being the prospect of the other person becoming someone new and us having different circumstances in the Future. I’d think ‘We’ll have a beautiful house, 2 kids, I’ll be a designer and he’ll be a teacher’. Don’t waste your time you guys, if that’s all you’re clinging on to – move on. Also if there are more negatives than positives, move on. It’s okay to move on.

Also be self sufficient – don’t be scared of being alone, if you’re not happy then just leave because that’s the best thing you can ever do to show that you are freeing yourself for the happiness you deserve. You can rely on someone but still be independent, don’t be lost without someone. Appreciate that you can make it alone!

When you’re with someone and it’s private, it feels so much better. You take other people out of the equation and you feel love stronger than you ever could because you don’t seek validation. It’s wonderful. It’s like the point why I’m against weddings people can’t afford, celebrating love is beautiful but making an absolute show out of a day that is supposed to just be about getting married – that’s sugar coating, and regardless of how much icing you put on a cake – if it’s a bad cake, you don’t wanna eat it.

To be more personal… I’m in love. And that’s all people need to know. We’re adults, we’re simple, we bring out the best in each other – we’re also each other’s only sexual partners. We share these intricate moments together with the only aim of enjoying each other, we have never been a show. We record memories in our own private way. And our silence only ever demonstrates how strong that we actually are. We’re not a matching bracelet, matching t shirt, matching tattoo couple. Oh and we don’t take photos with the idea of a new ‘Facebook profile picture’ since that’s apparently the biggest thing for a relationship nowadays (so crazy).

I’ll share just this picture, capturing moments of enjoyment – not posing for others, just being ourselves.
I hope you all find the love that you need, it’s out there somewhere.

I’m not telling you how to love or being a critic of anyone, I’m just saying my opinion from all my experiences – try freeing yourself! It makes everything so much better and I know that from experience. Don’t worry about other people or putting on a show because if you’re happy that’s all that ever counts. Remember to record memories in a photo album or a diary because one day when you’re old – you might wanna share what your relationship has been like, and you won’t wanna be scrolling through a Facebook to your grandchildren!

Which celebrity couples last the longest, ones who publicity hunt for it? Or the ones who are private?

Love freely without the obstruction of others.

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OOTD: DAY 23

DAY 23

This is my ‘no haters, I’m the referee’ outfit

Today I have dealt with a lot – remember my infamous bully? Well it crawled right back out of the darkness again. Basically jealous because I thanked my twitter because I got over 100 favourites on a selfie – which was more than her post. So stupid, like its stressing me out being abused for something so DUMB.
She was saying how she has a huge following on this ‘other’ site and how everyone likes her stuff, like properly trying to compete because I am mildly popular. Oh and I aint pulling the accusation from nowhere – someone on her friends list sent me a screen shot, and there was a nasty comment below clarifying it was for my benefit – even though the comment got deleted. (Why say it then?)

Okay here goes – I will never brag. I get a lot of blog traffic, and I have a following of 30,000. I can make a lot of money off my social media because of traffic and affiliates.

I will always always always be humble and thankful for what I have, I have what I have because I put the effort in. I am a massive people’s person, I don’t have fans – I have internet friends. It is nothing to be jealous of, I spent like 3 whole years building this up so I worked for it.

Also, I have a lot of friends – who I don’t brag about, they are my true friends – which isn’t just facebook friends because quite frankly the dude I sat next to in French class isn’t a friend. Hence, why I deleted my former facebook – I maintain only my real friends on facebook who constantly talk to me on it so just over 100.
If you have like 1000 friends, chances are it’s just a following. It aint friends. It’s companies, people who added you to be nosey and randoms from high school.

Why I was so humbled by twitter favourites is because I don’t think I deserve it – I’m shocked by kindness. I said its harder to get a favourite than a like and its harder to get a follow than a friend request acceptance. I stand by that.
If I posted something on facebook – people just like it because it sits on newsfeed and they say ‘Eh, what the hell I’ll just write something’. That’s why I only have friends on facebook, because before there were just hundreds of ‘what the hell’ people out there on my list.

I don’t seek admiration – I love true friendship so I don’t accept friend requests from silly people, and I delete those I don’t talk to!

I am just saying – I am so privileged to have the support I have, I’ve come to understand I am ‘popular’ on social media – but that’s because I’m selfless and I give back, it isn’t a competition.
At the end of the day, how many people actually pull through for you as a friend? Not someone who just favourites you tweets or likes your facebook posts – but how many people run out to support you like mad? How many text just to make sure you’re okay? How many strive to maintain relationships with you by inviting you to hang out?
That’s truly what matters

So I’d like to thank my close friends for being there for me, I’m the girl with like 10 best friends and I appreciate you and all my other close ones so so so so so much.

Sorry for giving my OOTD a massive teaching, just want you to know how respectful I am and always will be. It’s not a popularity contest! It’s just sharing beautifully!

This is my black and white ‘referee dress’ heheheh with black slip on shoes!

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OOTD: DAY 22

DAY 22

This is my ‘I’m so sick and it’s been gloomy outside so this sundress helps brighten everything up’.

Here’s a secret – my nickname is Sunshine, either I brighten people’s days or it’s just the hair (I’ll go with the latter!)

Orange baggy sundress from Primark, and post-shower natural hair

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OOTD: DAY 21

DAY 21

This is my ‘Today I was super sick and so I just lounged around in this baggy floral dress’ look.

I have quite poor health with lets just call it a ‘persistent issue’, it’s really worrying but it’s nothing I’d want to seek attention for – there are good and bad days, but on a plus I’m daily in chronic pain thus making me one of the tougher women! (If I ever had to give birth it’d be a walk in the park because of what I have).
I know one day I’ll be clear of it and I’ll have life back! But until then I’ll soldier on and not whine about it!

I still managed my work out – and so I just sorted a lot of things out in the house and dealt with my burgeoning list of internet affairs, so the easy peasy loungy dress was suitable!

Grey floral dress (UK size 18 on my 6-8 frame, LOL) from New Look!

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OOTD: DAY 20

DAY 20

This is my ‘I super intensely worked out basically all day and wore this all day and thus this being my OOTD before I bathed and wrote this post’ look.

If anyone is interested my current look is a towel and spongebob pyjamas (wey hey!).

Yoga leggings, black stretch vest top and black sports bra.

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OOTD: DAY 19

DAY 19
UPDATED WITH PHOTO FROM CAMERA

This is my ‘just swanning about doing business after a workout’ look.
I don’t know if you can tell but all this outdoors stuff (and decent sunlotion!) is making me a little sunkissed, for me anyways! No complaints here! Usually I burn to a crisp but the sun is glowing and I’m looking healthy and happy!

Dress is so old I honestly don’t know where it is from (as usual I am helpful) with my bambi bag which is for sale!

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Bunny bunny bun bun!

I got a new gorgeous girl bunny named Flower! She’s a 7 week Dutch (dwarf?) and she is just stunning!
See her YouTube video debut here:

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

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OOTD: DAY 18

DAY 18

 

THIS IS AN UPDATE WITH CAMERA IMAGE!

This is my ‘Gothic fairy tutu ballerina badass meeting up for girl time’ look!
Dress from H&M

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OOTD: DAY 17

DAY 17

UPDATED OOTD: IMAGE FROM CAMERA YAY!

Unfortunately my laptop is BROKEN. Will iPhone photos do? I will sort this problem as quick as I can I’m soooooo sorry! Please don’t kill me

This is my ‘tennis blue play dress since it’s my birthday and I took this on my iPhone then reuploaded the actual shot when my laptop got fixed so you can’t kill me because it’s my birthday’ look.

Blue Peter Pan collared dress from Primark, brown leather distressed bag.

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